I CAN DRIVE AGAIN!!!

Yesterday I had a phone call with some good news. I have been given the all clear to drive again.

I haven't driven since the begging of May as there was doubt about whether I had the required amount of peripheral vision. Special field vision tests for driving came back as 'borderline' so the decision about driving again was up to the Vic Roads Medical Review Board. I will have to have another review in 12 months but for now I am legally allowed to drive.

I was at work when I received the phone call so I had to wait until I got home to go for my first drive. As soon as I got home I got into the car and went for a drive around the streets and then to the supermarket. I still have the CAM boot on my right foot so I just take it off when I drive. It's a bit of a fiddle but a fiddle that I am happy to put up with.

Just knowing that I can drive again is fantastic. I don't know what the future holds with my eyes and if I will always be allowed to drive but for now I can and it's fantastic to have the freedom that being able to get in the car and drive somewhere gives you back.

Spring is here

I can't believe how fast this year has gone. Just in time to welcome in Spring my Weeping Peach and Weeping Cherry trees came out in bloom on the 1st September.

I've had the last four days at home sick with a sinus infection. With all the time at home I've been doing a lot of sewing. I've cut the template for quilting circles on Jake's quilt and started stitching around the first circle. I have finished all the blocks on Hannah's quilt but had to order a bit more material for the boarder and binding. Hopefully that will arrive this week and I will be able to finish the top ready to quilt.

As the tops of the quilts are finished I have now started working on Sarah's. I like to have a quilt that I can take with me when I go out to appointments or to Brink, my craft group. I've cut all the cardboard templates and material so am ready to tack the material onto the templates. I haven't worked with chenille before so am finding little bits of fluff all over me and the couch!

How long is 6 weeks?

I can't believe that it is six weeks ago that I was told that I would have to wait to see the Neuro-Opthomology Clinic at the Eye and Ear Hospital. Back then I was told by a doctor that 'all treatable diseases have been ruled out, that I had a degenerative eye disease and would go blind and that it didn't matter if I had to wait six weeks or six months nothing could be done to help me'

Back then and hearing this news and then having to wait six weeks to for an appointment it seemed like an eternity.

In the last six weeks I've seen the specialist privately and had some tests. Today I got some results and after seeing the doctors I still don't have a diagnosis or a decision about driving however the doctors are now sure that I have some kind of rare disease of my retina. Apparently these diseases are not treatable however they are 'self limiting'. This means that it is unlikely that the degeneration of my sight will continue.

The tests results to determine if I can drive were 'borderline'. I now have to wait for the Road Traffic Authority Medical Review Board to review the results and make a decision.

The doctor told me today that I will need to be patient as getting a diagnosis may take months and there are many more tests that I need to have.

My next appointment and tests will be in about six weeks however six weeks now doesn't seem that long away.

Praying for results today

I can't believe how long it has taken to get a diagnosis. It's been a long and bumpy ride with my emotions going up and down like a roller coaster. I see the doctors again this afternoon and am hoping and praying that today I will finally have a diagnosis and answers to my questions.

I don't think I would have got through the past few months if I didn't have my quilts to help take my mind off the uncertainty of not knowing if I will drive again or if I will eventually loose my sight. Some days I have sewn so much I've made my hands hurt!

Jacob's quilt is looking great. The backing is on and I've been cutting out a template for the quilting. I've decided to hand quilt circles in every block similar to the original pattern. I've never quilted circles so I am looking forward to the challenge.

The other weekend I had my family over for dinner. I showed Jacob his quilt and was delighted to hear him tell his gran nan afterwards that he 'loves his quilt'.

It made me think again and ask myself 'why I am making these quilts?' I am making them for my family so that when I am not here they will have something to remember me by but most importantly I am making them because it is something that I really want to do.

I find a pattern that I want to make and then think of who I'd like to make the quilt for. Making a quilt for a particular person makes it more personal and I find myself thinking about the person so much while I'm sewing the quilt.

Well, I have my sewing bag packed with Hannah's quilt to sew ready for the train trip into town and the long wait at the hospital.

I've been praying for good results but after the months of waiting today I'm praying that I will have a diagnosis regardless of the results.

Jacob's quilt is taking shape

Even though I have so many unanswered questions regarding my health and especially my eye sight, one thing that doesn't change is my quilt making project.

I am so pleased to have finished sewing all the blocks for Jacob's quilt and last night finished sewing the top together. This is probably one of the hardest patterns I have had made so far. Each block has the central octagon which is then surrounded by 20 wedges. Each piece had to fit exactly into place otherwise the wedges would not fit together.

Laying the blocks out before stitching them in place was a challenge. I have used different fabrics for each octagon however the wedges have been made from cream and floral fabrics which have been used in different combinations in the blocks. When I was laying out the blocks I had to keep making sure that the cream and flora/patterned fabrics were not placed next to each other. After nearly an hour of moving blocks around I think I've managed not to place blocks with the same fabrics next to each other.

I've sewn all the blocks together and removed the cardboard templates. At the moment the quilt is laid out on the kitchen table ready for me to baste the batting and backing in place.


The quilt pattern in the book has circles 1 inch apart radiating from the centre of each block. I am not sure if I will be able to hand quilt as many circles as detailed in the pattern but I will give it a try.

I am really pleased with the way the top looks and can't wait until tomorrow afternoon to finish the basting and start quilting.

The interesting origin of an old saying

After posting a question on one of my favourite websites (Melbourne Freecycle Cafe) I now know the origin of the saying '.. must have killed a Chinaman'.

"Historically, as the Chinese have had a presence in Australia since colonial days, there was once great folk superstition attached to them. A sure sign of fortune was attributed to encountering a Chinese person as one engaged in a bet, and it was supposed that killing such an individual would lead to a disastrous run of bad luck.

Verb
must have killed a Chinaman
1. (Australian) Figurative explanation for bad luck one is suffering.

Usage notes
• This term may be considered offensive to Chinese. Because of negative historical connotations, the term Chinaman is no longer in appropriate use, and persists only in this expression or similar dated expressions.

Quotations

• 1925, L. M. Newton, The Story of the Twelfth: A Record of the 12th Battalion, page 132

  It appeared as though someone in the Battalion must have killed a Chinaman, as the weather continued rough and stormy, with strong wind.

• 1992, Maurice Shadbolt, Monday's Warriors, page 49

  'What troubles you?'

  'Luck. I must have killed a Chinaman. Or maybe broke a mirror.'

• 2004, Cycling News, 14 January 2004 link

  "The left hand side of my body has really been hammered the last six months; I must have killed a Chinaman in a previous life or something, I don't know," mused Vogels.

References

• "must have killed a Chinaman", in The New Partridge Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English, Eric Partridge, page 393

• "I must have killed a Chinaman", in A Dictionary of Catch Phrases: British and American, from the sixteenth century to the present day, Eric Partridge & Paul Beale, page 218. "
  

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/must have_killed_a_Chinaman

We use or hear these old sayings and proverbs every day and more often than not never think about the origin so I've found it really interesting to learn the history behind this saying.

It's been another long week of uncertainty

I keep saying that 'hopefully today or this week I will have some answers' - I still don't.

There's an old proverb that says 'a watched kettle never boils'. Waiting for a diagnosis is a bit like watching the kettle to boil. I have been getting on with everyday things but the not knowing is always in the back of my mind.

Last week I went out for dinner with some of the ladies from the research project. It was great catching up with everyone and having some time to talk and get to know each other. I'm looking forward to getting together again some time. On Saturday night I had dinner with the people in my dinner group. I really love these nights - lots of good food, great company and so much fun. We only have one meal left together as a group and I have my name down for the next round of dinner groups. It's a great way to get out and meet people and I'm looking forward to meeting more people.

Last week I also had my second MRI to check for a tumour. It have now finally been cleared of having a tumour which is great but the good news is totally offset by the news that I have a degenerative eye disease. The week has been pretty tough with having to come to terms with the news that I don't have a tumour and that I have a degenerative eye disease, the attitude of a doctor and the still not having a definite diagnosis.

I have been given an appointment at the hospital but an 'urgent' appointment is six weeks away. Six weeks is a long time to wait when I still don't have a diagnosis and there are so many questions that I want answered. Rather than wait another six weeks I am seeing the Neuro - Opthomologist in his private rooms this afternoon. I am really hoping that I will get some answers this afternoon but am aware that maybe I wont.

On Tuesday I also had another bone and CT scans on my foot to see if the bone is healing at all. I have been in the CAM boot now for over 12 weeks and while my foot does feel better than it did at the start I am still having a lot of pain where the fracture is. I should get the results of the scans today as well so will know if I will have to keep wearing the CAM boot or if I will need any further treatment.

My appointment with the Neuro - Opthomologist is at 2.45pm this afternoon. I am feeling really nervous about the possibility of not being given a diagnosis again but I'm also feeling nervous about actually getting a diagnosis that I really don't want to hear.

To help keep my mind off the appointment this afternoon I am going in to work for a few hours. My friend Andrea is going to come with me today so it will be good to have some support as I think that whatever the news it's going to be hard.

So it's with a deep breathe in and lots of prayers that I face another day of wondering if I will finally be given a diagnosis.

One more week of waiting......

Hopefully this week will be a week of answers.

On Sunday I will officially be allowed to go out again. My week of quarantine will have finished just in time for me to go back to work.

The fracture in my foot hadn't fully healed so I have had to continue to wearing the CAM boot. On Wednesday I see the doctor again so I will find out if I can take it off or if I have to keep wearing it for another few weeks. It's been 12 weeks now so I am hoping that it wont be too much longer until I can take it off.

On Tuesday I have my second MRI to see if I have a pituitary tumour. Hopefully I will have some answers a few days after the scan so that I know what I am dealing with. I'm probably the only person in the world praying that I have a tumour as the thought of going blind scares me more. In addition to the problems with my peripheral vision I have also been having trouble with my short term memory.

Apparently short term memory loss can also be a symptom of a pituitary tumour. I had a neurological assessment last week which has shown that I have 'significant problems' with taking in new information. I've had trouble reading and haven't read a book in over a year. I'm always forgetting that I have to do something or ring someone. I've really struggled with studying and while I passed the subject I found it hard to remember anything said in class. At work I often forget to do something that my boss has asked me to. The worst thing though has been burning things on the stove. So many times I've put something on to cook, totally forgotten about it only to find a very burnt saucepan when the smoke alarm goes off. I tried lots of things to help me remember that I have something cooking on the stove. I set timers and then when the timer goes off I forget why I have set the timer!

I've been told there is nothing I can do to help improve my memory (another reason to hope I have a tumour) but I have been given some strategies to help me remember things. I now keep a book with me and write down anything I have to do. I also keep a book at work in which I write everything I am asked to do or need to follow-up. I have also been advised to postpone my studies as I struggled a lot last semester. I only have two subjects to go until I complete my Advanced Diploma of Accounting so I found it hard to accept that I needed to withdraw from the course this semester. The question remains however, 'what happens if it is not a tumour?'

As I start to count down the days until I have my MRI (3 days to go) the 'waiting' then begins all over again. Waiting to get the MRI results. If I have a tumour I'll be waiting to see the neurosurgeons and then waiting for whatever treatment will be required. If I don't have a tumour then another long wait begins for an appointment to see a Neuro-opthomologist at the Eye and Ear Hospital to find out if I will loose my sight.

How are you meant to feel while you wait for tests and appointments? How are you meant to feel when your told that you might have a brain tumour? How are you meant to feel when your told you might go blind? How are you meant to feel when your told you might have permanent short term memory loss?

No one tells you.

Are you allowed to feel angry with God, with yourself, with your body or with the world? Are you allowed to feel angry that your life has changed? Are you allowed to feel frustrated waiting for appointments? Are you allowed to feel as though you can't cope with anymore things? Are you allowed to feel sorry for yourself? Are you allowed to have bad days? Are you allowed to cry?

No one tells you.

In quarantine for a week.

I am in quarantine for seven days!

I can't believe that on top of everything else I am now being treated for a suspected case of the swine flu. When I get sick Sue, my sister always says I must have killed a china man. I'm not sure where that saying came from but I think I must have killed a whole village of china men!

One good thing is that I have plenty of time to work on my quilts. I only have two more blocks to do on Jacob's quilt and then the hard work of laying it out and hand quilting it begins. I have a lot more to do on Hannah's quilt as the blocks are smaller. I have been sewing the material onto the cards so that I can sew some more blocks together.


Rhonda, (my other sister) has chosen a design for her quilt. I am going to make it an 'Asian' theme in black and white cotton prints and black and red silk. I have been buying pieces of material off EBay and found a beautiful piece of silk like material in black with a red 'Asian' design over it.

The quilt will be a fairly simple design with a larger centre block of black and white geisha women surrounded by a border of red satin. This will then be surrounded by smaller squares of black and white fabrics then a larger border of the black with red print satin. It will be a challenge sewing the satin material by hand but one I'm keen to try.

I've decided to make a different quilt for Sarah. I saw a pattern in a quilting magazine that I loved more than the quilt I had first chosen to make. Like with Hannah's quilt I had to have the material sent to me, this time from Adelaide. Quite by accident the material for both Sarah and Hannah quilt's is from the 'Max New' range of fabrics. I hope that Sarah (and Ruth) like this pattern and the material. I guess if they don't I'll just have to keep it for myself.

Using time to sew

Over the past few weeks I have had many doctors appointments which usually mean lots of time waiting for doctors and a lot of time traveling on trains getting to the appointments. Rather than sitting twiddling my fingers wondering how long I will have to wait I take my bag of sewing and work on my quilts.

On Thursday I went to see the eye specialists at the Austin Hospital. I spent over two hours traveling on the trains and nearly 3 hours hours waiting to see the doctors. It's hard having so many appointments but rather than sitting doing nothing I try and make the most of the time traveling on trains and waiting to see the doctors sewing.

While waiting to see the doctors on Thursday I was sewing more blocks for Hannah's quilt totally unaware that I had an audience watching me until one lady came up and asked me what I was making and asked if she could show one of the blocks to her mother. The block was then passed around the waiting room with people making various comments and talking about things they sew or knit.

It was interesting to see people, both men and women who had been sitting silently next to each other for nearly an hour start talking to each other. It was as though the room had suddenly come alive all because of a quilt.

In going to see the doctors at the Austin hospital I was hoping that I would finally have a diagnosis but that was not to be. I was told that that I had been sent to the Austin Hospital from the Eye and Ear Hospital as the doctors had expected to find an tumour or aneurysm however as my MRI results showed neither the cause is still unknown. My eyes themselves are healthy which apparently indicates a problem with the optic nerve. I am now waiting to see if I have to have more tests including another MRI and a lumber puncture. I'm also waiting for an appointment to see a neurologist to investigate if there is any damage to the optic nerve.

I feel a bit like I am in limbo waiting for a diagnosis so that I know what I have and what I can expect in the future.